SO FAR SO GOOD.

Whenever it gets too awkward, I blurt out random facts about frozen custard. Did you know it's 20% air? No? Now you do, niggas.

My bro's birthday was yesterday. We went to an awesome sushi restaurant where I devoured the Pacific Ocean.

I was going to wait until she got here on July 4th, but I just couldn't hold it in anymore. I totally broke up with her tonight and I am so so so relieved. There was never any doubt in my mind I was going to do it, I think Jaime had some doubts, but c'mon-- I'm me. I have principles. You break my trust, you step out of line, that's it. People don't need to win my approval because they're 100% free to do as they wish. But likewise-- you can't expect me to go around with stupid shit. Not gonna fly. When she gets here on the 4th, she's going to be mopey and emotional, but I've made up my mind, and when I've made up my mind ... I'm unrelenting. She could cry tears of blood and it wouldn't make a difference. I wrote an entry a few months back about my problems with her and I said I didn't want to just bail and feel like a quitter because I'm definitely not that. I'm a lot of things, but not a quitter. I feel I've put in the time and effort since then, and it still didn't work out. I am at peace with walking away.

... But man, it's going to be SO awkward when she arrives. Rofl. When it comes down to it though, I'm not angry at her. I've made peace with what happened. I understand why she is the way she is, and I've helped her work on becoming a stronger person so that she can plan and execute her life goals, she can follow through with commitments, she can stand up for herself, and she can take abuse without being destroyed. I hope she continues the work I've started with her, but even if she doesn't ... it's not my battle, and I'm not going to meddle/dwell on it. I wasn't put on this planet to fix every flawed person with a fucked up childhood.

I know how this next sentence will sound, but I'm not taking it back. I honestly feel like I am one of the most perfect people on this planet. I don't care if people scoff or make snide remarks about that statement, because I can't be cut down. This is honestly what I feel, and I refrain from voicing it because I know most people will find it absurd. If there's one thing I've learned in this life, it's that loving yourself offends a shit ton of people. This rule holds true with what they say about taxes and death. I feel like my abundance of common sense, intelligence, integrity, athleticism, charisma, emotional maturity, and ambition approaches BORG-like perfection. I think that ... whether that belief in mys elf is actually true or not, it's problematic because I think I hold other people to impossible standards and they always fall short of my expectations. This is why I have great friendships, but horrible relationships. But then I wonder if that's actually untrue and that I'm instead blinded of someone's faults when I love them because I let this relationship go on for two years even after I had reservations about it. I also have an impressive track record of psychotic (but sexy because I don't do ugly!) ex-girlfriends. I sure know how to pick them. So then I just get confused about the whole thing and sit here sipping Sunny D at 4 in the morning.

I'm not mourning the loss, and I think I'm almost grateful to have one less distraction in my pursuit of excellence. I feel like it's one less burden and I feel like feeling that way is wrong. I don't know why I'm not furious about what happened, and I wonder if I ever loved her in the first place because I'm not devastated at this loss. What am I supposed to do? Should I put on some Dashboard Confessional, bad mascara, and sew patches with witty lyrics on my backpack as I mope around and let my personal hygiene go to hell?

Like the others, I'll always be here for her whenever she needs advice, but that inherent weakness in her is ultimately what did us in. I wish I was a more forgiving person. Then I remember it's not my fault. Then I wonder if I'm doing the right thing. Then I remember that my mother bought me a coconut today. Then I remember I love coconuts. Then I make peace with being single again. Then I remember the bunch of girls waiting for me even though I'm not jumping into anything until after I graduate. Then I realize I'm a pimp. Then I brush my shoulders off. Then I realize it's gonna be okay.

On Michael Jackson-- GJ treating him LIKE AN ACTUAL HUMAN BEING nicer in death than when he was alive. Lighting candles and sobbing to his old music videos and shit. Pathetic. Too little too late there. Pass me my fail stamp, bebe.

In other news. This is the single most perfect Final Fantasy composition, ever:



And in other news. I can't stand my mother and want school to start now so I can start not standing my roommate.

And in other other news. Wifey will be in Vegas 4th of July to the 14th. We're going through some things right now, but I'm helping her be a strong person because she's pathetically weak and it's really disgusting. She has no backbone, even to people who have wronged her, and it's like having my fingernails pulled out one by one dealing with her back and forth of how to handle people bullying her. In reference to the facebook catfight now buried under 3 Michael Jackson facebook statuses, I told both of them I was going to delete the status but then I got yelled at-- twice-- by both of them. Fuck those whores. Just let them duke it out.

In other news. I got a job at McCarran airport here in Vegas. I'm waiting for the FBI to clear my fingerprints so I can start working, then quit a month or two into the job to start school, pissing off the entire restaurant. The funny thing is I'm a bartender type person. I make all the drinks. Way to hire the guy who thought Shirley Temples and Arnold Palmers were alcoholic drinks. I was freaking out watching all those kids in Gyu Kaku sipping that shit.

In other, other news, I can't wait to purchase my UCLA season tickets. I mean, yes, the football team sucks Lance Armstrong's cancerous nut, but basketball has kinda sorta always been my favorite sport of all time.

On a semi-related note-- how you like them Lakers, bitches? I totally called Jordan Farmar's success way back in high school when we saw him play at our gym and I was yelling obscenities at him. Lawl.

Finally, if anyone is in Vegas, hit me up. I'm bored as fuck.

Me: "I don't think Tom Cruise let his wife take any painkillers for childbirth. It's against his religion."
My mom: "Childbirth is so painful. That's why you should respect your parents."
Me: "I know, mom, I know."
My mom: "Especially since you turned out this way."

FOR SALE: PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE MOTHERLY VERBAL PWNAGE

Also FOR SALE: ONE CATFIGHT ON MY FACEBOOK WALL.



FML.

OKAY. I KNOW I'VE BEEN PUTTING IT OFF FOR A LONG TIME BECAUSE I'M LAZY, BUT HERE ARE PICS OF ME AND MY GIRLFRIEND.

I LIKE MY WOMEN LIKE I LIKE MY TEA

I wrote this more for me than anyone else as a reference in case I ever forget who I am.

1. I promise to live clean. I will never drink alcohol, take hard drugs, or smoke cigarettes. College or not, I won't judge people who do those things, but I know it's not for me. I will never succumb to peer pressure. Not drinking and doing drugs doesn't make me a 'square' or a 'straight arrow'. I'm just me. I like to have fun, but not like that.

2. I promise never to make excuses and to take responsibility for my actions. If I do something, it's because I wanted to do it. If I take someone's advice and act on it, I will not blame that person if things don't work out. It was my decision to take that person's advice.

3. I will be loyal to my family and friends as long as they stay loyal to me. This means I will protect them in fights, defend them in arguments, but also respect their wishes if they want me to butt out of their business. However, this doesn't mean that I'll back up a friend who is wrong. I will protect them from other people, pull them aside, and then cuss them out myself if they're being dumb fucks.

4. I promise to be 100% honest, no matter what, to family and friends. I will not lie to spare feelings. If my family and friends are looking for a person to pat them on the back and give them a shoulder to cry one when they're wrong-- I want my family and friends to know I am not the person they should come to. Different people play different roles. Mine is the logic center. If someone asks me my opinion on their boyfriend/girlfriend, I will not sugar coat my words. If I feel something is dangerous/wrong, I will speak up for their sake.

5. I will not be offended if someone doesn't take my advice. I will treat everyone like adults, even if they're mentally and emotionally retarded. I will offer the advice I'm asked, and then step back and allow them to make their own decisions. I will never inherit a weak person's problems. I am not a goddamn life lawyer. I am not here to live your life for you.

6. I promise never to be complacent. I'll never stop hustling to get money. I want money to live comfortably because it's what I want-- and not because I want to impress other people. I like nice clothes, shiny cars, and big houses. I want to secure my future and the future of my wife and kids. I want them to know that I've got it covered. I want to be able to hand out hundred dollar bills like skittles and take care of my extended family. Hustle or die, fuckers.

7. I will never be ashamed of being transgendered. I will never let anyone make me feel inferior because of what body parts I have or don't have. I will never feel like less of a man, less of a person, less of a boyfriend, less of a husband, less of a doctor. I am not flawed. I am not sinful. I am actually smarter and sexier than most people on this planet.

8. I will never join an organized religion. But I will not judge people who do. Everyone has his or her own way of getting through life.

9. I will not be a hater. I will never be jealous of people who have more than me regardless of whether or not I feel they deserve what they have. I will instead befriend rich and successful people to learn their tricks and to network with them. I will not distance myself from successful people and be bitter. I will work hard to try to get to their level because that's what I want.

10. I will never let haters get me down. I will not compromise my goals for people who are insecure of their own. 99.9% of people in this world do not want what's best for me because misery loves company. I will work hard to earn more haters the richer and more successful I am because I love having lots of bitter people who have erections for me.

11. I will never give up.

That's all for now. I might add to it, who knows.

Hello, friends. Today's signature rant is about niggas of every race. So really, I'm going to discriminate on people who share one common attribute-- FAIL. I've learned in the 21 years I've been on this polluted planet that there are certain people I shouldn't be around because shit will go south faster than Wifey's panties when I step in the room. I'm talking about people who completely lack common sense, who don't learn from their mistakes, just ... fail. FAIL. DEVOID OF LOGIC. FAIL. I CAN'T TAKE IT. MY SMALL ASIAN HEAD WANTS TO EXPLODE AT THE AMOUNT OF FAIL I ENCOUNTER. HOW ARE PEOPLE SO FUCKING STUPID? WHY DO I WASTE MY TIME TRYING TO INFUSE SENSE INTO SENSELESS SHIT?

Let's give some examples of recent major fail I've encountered that has driven me nuts. These are not my close friends or friends at all because I don't associate myself with trash. These are people I've sadly had to put up with for one reason or another. I hereby dub this the first edition of ..

I. After multiple run ins with crazies, it's unlikely I'll ever date an Asian chick again. Asians are predictable ... you meet one and you've met them all. Very few Asian girls bring anything new to the table and plus I want to populate the world with gorgeous blasian babies I've nicknamed 'Chocobanana hybrids' or just 'chocobananas'. My kids will be culturally rich and feast on bok choy and collard greens. Sweet and sour and fried chicken. Chicken feet and chitlins. Don't get me wrong, I don't and I have never discriminated based on race. I discriminate based on stupid, ugly, and lazy. kthxbye.

II. In retrospect, all the community service I do is self-serving. I realized this a while ago and laughed. I've never done community service that didn't eventually come back to benefit me in some way, shape, or form.

III. I hate 99.9% of LGBTQ people I meet. I find they're not well-adjusted people in society. In short, they're preachy, self-righteous, spiritually kooky, and the trannies are really really really horribly dressed. Make some gay friends and learn to color coordinate, nigga. Stereotypes are true. I know some of us are super liberal PC people who want to deny this basic fact in life but ... Stereotypes. Are. True. The thing is-- not for everyone. People love to scream, "DON'T GENERALIZE AND INCLUDE EVERYONE." I'm not. But stereotypes are a good blueprint when dealing with someone unfamiliar, you just shouldn't hate them for it. Lesbians are really bitter women, gays are overly flamboyant and promiscuous, trannies are stuck-up and insecure people who work too hard to validate their 'real' gender. It's tiring dealing with these people-- this is why I like working with TEEP. The only tranny I work with is Drian, who is a normal acting woman. The presentations are given to non-LGBTQ people. I have very little contact with LGBTQ people outside of internet correspondence due to my website. I intend to keep it that way.

IV. I use the tranny card whenever and wherever possible if it will open doors for me. You know how blacks and latinos can wave their race card around for college admissions? (don't you fuckers lie, you know it helps) Well ... I can't do that because I'm yellower than a crackhead's jaundiced eyes. Asians are a dime a dozen in elite universities. So, instead, I have the tranny card. This is not to say that my transcript is a joke-- academic merit has to be there in some way, shape, and form-- but if I can get a little boost from being a freak of nature then ... by all means. No shame in getting ahead of the game and pushing myself closer to multi-millionaire status. I sometimes wear this tranny pass around my neck: